Hookin' Up and Hangin' Out

So I've been away again...I am such a baaaaaad blogger. LOL My birthday was last week...a trying time. I mostly want to hide on my birthday. This year was no different. I did get some gift cards from my Dad and Grandpa..so I've been having a fun time shopping for some new clothes.

My SIL had her baby yesterday. Tiny little girl...just 5lbs 13oz if I remember what the MIL said. Josh is in a pissy mood...he's trying to act like he's not, but I can feel it. He wants a daughter so bad...as do I. Don't get me wrong I love my boys to pieces. I wouldn't trade either of them. It's just...I don't know...It's been hard on both of us. I want another baby desperately, but we just can't hack it right now. I feel like if we're going to do it, it's important for it to happen before I start clinicals. I don't know...maybe that sounds weird. I feel like I'm betraying the boys by wanting a little girl so badly. Especially Tristan. And I love him so much. I know if we'd had a girl, we would have missed out on having him...I don't know...I'm so confused. I'm glad that we had TJ...he's such a joy. It's just that I feel like there's a part of us, our family, missing...like it's out there somewhere...yet to be discovered.

One good thing has happened recently. I got the opportunity to reconnect with my best friend from highschool. We sort of fell aprat after we graduated. I got married and started having babies and she worked a lot. She says I had a husband and children and she couldn't compete. I don't think so. I think I was just in a bad place and that made me a bad friend. I felt alone...despite the fact that I had the husband and the baby and her cool, level head there with me...I was alone in the world. I had PPD badly and I couldn't let anyone in. I've regreted loosing her...and I'm glad that I've gotten the opportunity to make it right. I hope she knows that.